im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
there is glitter all over my balls
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
