just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
