We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
