yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
