I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
