you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
