After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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