i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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