just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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