No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
third nipple confirmed
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
