if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
