I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
