Jerry, you need to find god
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
