I just made out with a guy for $7.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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