I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
There's always time for handjobs
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
