Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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