So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
