I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
