just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
