Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Boobs speak an international language.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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