so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
