apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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