I puked a lego.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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