I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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