why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize