Where is the hickey?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
he's gonorrhea incarnate
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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