youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I puked a lego.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
