I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
