I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
