I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
