saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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