She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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