We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
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The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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