There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
