hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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