I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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