I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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