Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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