I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
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