when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Randomize
