Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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