he puts the penis in happiness.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
