oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
