Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
