And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
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You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
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He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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