NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
