He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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