My boss' voice literally gives me gas
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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