who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize