So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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