Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
