she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
