Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
