This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
