He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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