i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize