Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
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