where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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