i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
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I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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