A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
