I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
