I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
