We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
