I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
