i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
