I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
