the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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