Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
