I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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