she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
