He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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