Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
