god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
