i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
