I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
