I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
We're not piercing ourselves today.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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