When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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