Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Randomize
