I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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