you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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