I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to fling myself into the sun
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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