been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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