my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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